the leap

I am traveling the world over the next year.

As I write those words, I am in disbelief.  Although I've known this fact for quite some time now, it still hasn't sunk in that this trip is actually happening!  I often wonder when it will hit me...perhaps sometime along the Pacific Coast highway, or more likely when I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, trapped in the van, on the middle of some random street.  I have just spent the day celebrating Easter with my family, and tomorrow Guy and I will begin our first leg of the journey, which will include the two of us driving across the U.S. in a well-equipt conversion van.  We have spent a good amount of time getting ready for this journey, and are both feeling quite ready to begin our adventure.

When I've told people about what Guy and I will be doing over the next year, most people's responses include "Wow, I wish I could do that!" or "I've thought about doing that before but just never had the guts/money/time/etc. to do it," or "What an incredible adventure!"  And while I definitely agree with these sentiments, I have to admit I've definitely had my moments of...well...straight up panic.  Who quits their job in a terrible economy?  What if I can't find a job when we get back?  What if I get a life threatening illness while traveling abroad?  What if I break my leg and have to come home right away?  What if I get kidnapped and my kidneys are removed and I wake up in a tub of ice?  What if Guy's adorable laugh begins to sound like a hysterical hyena after months together in a van and I just can't take it anymore?  What if we're in the middle of the desert and Guy wants to break up with me?  What if I come back with nothing?  What if?  What if?  What if...

As much as I laid awake at night wasting energy on these tiring and sometimes ridiculous scenarios, what has haunted me more than anything is the thought of not going on this journey.  Of course there are the practical justifications for going: I have no mortgage, no kids, no debt.  But even more than that, ever since Guy introduced this "radical" idea to me, I have felt a sense of having to do this, desiring to do this, more than I have wanted to do anything else my entire life.  I feel as though we are on the brink of life-changing experience, and that makes the fears quiet down a bit, and the "what ifs" begin to change.  What if I learn more about myself?  What if I have opportunities I've never had and I embrace them?  What if I discover something I'm passionate about and that directs my career path?  What it this trip brings me and Guy closer together?  What if we learn how to support each other in difficult situations?  What is I return home having gained more than money, a job, a home, or so-called "security" could ever give me?  What if I realize this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing? 

The truth is that there are going to be some really wonderful times, and some really hard times ahead.  The day is here, the time has come to move forward into this next year, with all of its unknowns.

I am ready to take the leap.